Friday, October 28, 2011

Its a four letter word, beginning with F and ending with K

Of course your twisted mind thought of the word fuck. I simply meant fork.
That's what bothers me you know, the history and evolution of this word, giving it so much importance. The second you put a taboo on anything, its in human nature to begin to pry further.
Who even deemed this so called slang foul word to be the mother of all evil grammar? When did its use on the dinner table become the reason for punishment and when in GOD'S name did it become a mandatory exclamation during good sex?!
From a bad word to the most used one in the english dictionary, this word has come a long way. We use it in almost everything and god forbid if you get caught using it on live TV, twitter would have a field day. Just to spite conformity, when I have a child of my own, I shall name (say) him, FUCK.  Why not? It only means the pleasurable act of procreation right? Did sex ever become a taboo word? No, it didn't, because if it did, forms of all kinds would need serious revamping ( ***: male/female) and sociology books would need to get burned (*** roles and ***ists).
Coming back to my master plan of naming my child fuck,I not only will implement that, but I will insist on marrying a chinese man with the last name Yu. It would be thrilling for me to openly yell out the most hated word of all time in formal situations. Say, at my kids sports day. As he's just about to reach that finish line I'd proudly yell out "goooooo fuck!!!!"
Or whenever my child first interacts with someone, he'd get the automatic privilege of saying "fuck yu" when asked what his name was.
As I reach the end of my article, it did dawn on me the amount my poor fictitious child would be at the receiving end of some hardcore bullying. I guess ill never have my dream come true. Although, food for thought, when and why did fuck become such a big deal?

"Fuck Yu time for bed!"

Monday, October 3, 2011

I see dead people.

God no. If i were actually seeing dead people i'd have some serious issues.
So im playing the role of a delusional psycho who has the cotard syndrome, which practically means i believe i'm dead when im really alive. Very similar to my state right now, considering a lot is warped in my life but thankgod for Masterchef Australia. Im sorry for the jump in topic, my ADHD has started to come back in a creepy way, damn those doctors who said i was cured.
So, ADHD, can NEVER, and i mean NEVER be cured. I cant pay attention to a single thing or person for more than 30 seconds, ill start looking at the persons hair or evesdropping on the conversation between the cow and the crow across the street. I cant sit in one place without the incessant need to shake at least one body part constantly to the extent of exgerragted movement. I cant stick to one TV channel now and sit through an entire ad without flipping channels, and that SUCKS considering im aspiring to be a copywriter.
The new coldplay album is shitty
REM has split
Lewis Caroll was a perv
Coleridge was a charsi.

I need focus.

I see dead people, one of them is Ms.Havisham.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Baby Boom.

Nah, no ones popping out any babies, dont worry. It isint our time yet.
Im referring to the month of September, where almost ALL my friends and I turn 21 or just turn something.
The amount of birthdays this month is baffling yet reasonably understood considering half our parents got married in either Nov/Dec, so you do the math really.
Needless to say, the amount of alcohol consumption this month is beyond human understanding, the fishes would develop a complex if they saw the amount people have been drinking this month. Happy birthday to my bestie Arianna who is considerably tall for an average Indian and ridiculously white for her own good.

Anyone watched the Emmys? Rightly said, it did feel like the Modern Family awards in a race against the Good Wife awards towards the end of it. Poor John Hamm, i was really rooting for him to bag the lead actor emmy. Guess he can silently go back to drinking scotch while screwing a pretty thing dressed in garters and puffed sleeves. Kudos to Jane Lynch, who is one of the funniest women to have graced the silver screen after Ellen,Tina and Amy! (Someone actually told me you have to be a lesbian to be funny and that almost made me want to imprint my spider ring's silhouette into their skull).
Thats it for now, i have really important things to do today, like clean bird shit from my windowsill and yell at the dog that parks its rear outside my door.
Keep it outlandish.
Thats Ari-Anna, the next best thing to Hazare, except that you know she doesnt look like a pug and the last thing she'd think of is fasting.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Here, there, everywhere.

What started off to be a blog solely dedicated to music, has now morphed into an outlet for my capsized emotions and everyday musings. Ruchi Shah, you're responsible for reviving my love for blogging (visit her blog at for a dose of blatant wit).
Since i am updating this obsolete blog after exactly a year, i promise to keep throwing at you'll a fairly large amount of music enveloped in my sour and cynical outlook of the world.
Just yesterday i was walking home with my mother from a Ganpati darshan, and i happened to see the strangest, funniest and most intriguing sight ever. A 60 year old man weeping at the thought of his Ganesha idol leaving his house today. I do understand a certain level of attachment one creates with a statue sitting in your house for over a week, i really do, reminds me of the time i befriended a moth as a kid and it sort of just grew on me, literally. (Im obviously kidding). This man was weeping with tears exploding out of his eyes and i genuinely thought he lost a child at the tone and pitch of his cry. Apart from being really amused it made me realize that we live in a country filled with a variety of personalities, and i love that about us, except for when you're a paan eater and prefer to turn my foot into your dustbin, not cool.
Until next post, keep it outlandish and please dont stick chewing gum under desks, the dustbins feel left out.

ps- You have to check out the band "Young the Giant", really good new act.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

All You Need is Love

Blogging in the time of a tragedy according to me is the worst form of torture that could be bestowed upon someone, but somehow, blogging is making it easier for me, a way of self-expression. I'm sorry I'm going to have to be very soppy and dedicate this blog to my grandad again, not because I like being mellow dramatic, but because the world needs to see the power and beauty of The Beatles, more importantly, a certain album  - The Love Album.
Many people have heard this album, a lot of them havent.

Love is a Grammy Award-winning soundtrack remix album of music recorded by The Beatles, released in November 2006. It features music compiled and remixed as a mashup for the Cirque du Soleil show of the same name. The album was produced by George Martin and his son Giles Martin, who said, "What people will be hearing on the album is a new experience, a way of re-living the whole Beatles musical lifespan in a very condensed period.
The most beautiful renditions are "Here comes the sun/Inner Light" , "While my guitar gently weeps" and of course Lucy In The Sky with Diamonds. Observe the Indian touch at the beginning of Here comes the sun, its significant of the Beatles love for India and its music that inspired them to later make Lucy In the Sky with diamonds, of course i also hope you know that India wasnt thier only inspiration but it was actually an LSD trip far away in the Indian mountains. Hence (L)ucy in the (S)ky with (D)iamonds.
Enjoy the link and keep the love alive =)

Here comes the Sun/Inner Light Video.

No one like you.

Today, i dedicate this blog entry solely to one person. A person who not only guided me with ridiculous advice, but helped me take my first steps as a baby into this world. Someone who looked over my shoulder everytime and provided me with knowledge i'm Going to cherish for life. The apple, cherry, pear, strawberry of my eye and the love of my life, my grandfather, who passed away in my arms last night.
I never though i would be blogging about such a thing, because right now i have no strength to even pick up the phone and speak to anyone. Death came as a blessing to him, but as a life-shattering moment for me.
Ever since I've been in Mumbai, I've been living with him and my grandmother. Tolerating his illness and my grandmothers OCD was no joke for a 17 year old at the time, but i never realised what life would be without him.
He was probably the most forward minded free thinker in this day and age, "Why do you have to get married Malavika? Just live in, makes life simple" He said to me when my mother was talking about finding me a boy in the nest 5 years. "I'm telling you, get a tatoo that says SCREW YOU, its different you know?" Was something he said to me when i wanted to do something wild for my 18th b'day.
He was probably more liberal and braod minded than my parents both put together. If he were alive he would not want me to be cribbing about his demise and tearing secretly while trying to meet my project deadlines. So, in his honour, i dedicate a limerick and hope that where ever he is now, hes silently laughing away with Benjamin Franklin and Abe Lincon.

There once was a grandpa from Mangalore,
Whose throat was fairly sore
So with a slight snicker, i gave him some liquor
After which he got drunk and had more.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Lets Talk About Sex Baby!

The one most important thing about music, is that it can set any mood so suit you or the circumstances.
I was recently talking to a friend about how the music manipulates situations and he came up with a fairly intriguing question : "What sort of music would be great wen having sex? And not the Barry White shit please"

To which i had a vague idea about music that would make you reach that so called climax, but this didn't let my mind rest. So i did some 24 hour long music hunting and experimenting and came up with the best songs you could listen to while making love or even getting frisky with your partner. Be sure to download(meh)/buy original copies of the artists I've highly recommended, it'll be worth it some day!

Best Sex Music:

1) Air - Ive already mentioned this ambient-electronic band before, skip to sexy boy and Talisman and just let your mind,body and hands (If necessary) do the rest as this French band will make you do more than just kissing (Tee hee)

2) Enigma - Old is Gold, so is this the best soul music is all its glory, still being produced and getting better with every album! Touches( pretty self explanatory), from the album "seven lives, many faces" is a must-hear, you'll know why (wink wink)

3) Sigur Ros - They're this Icelandic post-rock band with classical and minimalistic elements. Some of their songs are so tear-jerking when you're low. and so emotion-evoking when you're, well, in heat (i apologize for the vulgarity, at least im not being blunt and saying horny). Listen to the most beautifully composed track Hoppipola (Which has been remixed by Chicane and is called Poppiholla, pretty good if you're into house), Andvari and Hlj├│malind are great numbers too.

Only You :Anyone that knows me well, knows that I love Portishead to death. They are like my number one band. Beth Gibbons' vocals are haunting, strained and hypnotic. When you're so in love with somebody, you feel like they are the only one for you and my interpretation of this song suggests how one person can make or break another so completely with their love.One of my favorite bands, no, not because i like doing to their music, but simply because they have the most calming and tranquil compositions ever made.
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED: The Song "Teardrop" for which they collaborated with Massive Attack, play this number and if you dont enjoy yourself to it, ill change my name.
 The #1 song to have sex to is:
 Portishead - Roads
I told you I love Portishead. Since I discovered Portishead, this song has always been my number one song .  I don't literally listen to the words because they are incredibly sad and I think they are about a war of some sort. I love the slowness, the morbid, sad vocals that make me want to be scooped up into a beautiful boy's arms.

5) Depeche Mode - In Your Room
This song is almost creepy. It's my favourite Depeche Mode song. It has extremely freaky yet meaningful vocals.Make sure you download the version from their remixes album, it has a lot more zing to it making it very erotic electronic-ambient music

These above named bands top my list but theres so much more, like Tosca, Royksopp, Jose Gonzalez, Porcupine Tree, Dredg, Gordian Knot, Massive Attack, Yaroshi, i could go on, but i have a project to get to, and a screaming cat.